Where the hallway ends.

Ok, so I didn't post last night or the 'time' in ATL. Last night I started a post....yeah, didn't make it. But I know where I am and why. I know that I walked in to Babyland for a reason. It wasn't my will that lead me to that room. It was God's. Today was the most powerful and touching day at Hanbury yet. And I ain't talkin' 'bout this year alone. Allll four I've been.
I went in Babyland expecting to find a two year old sitting down playing. I would then attach the child to my hip and call it a day. But, to my surprise...there were no kids in Babyland. So I walked down the hall saying "Hello" and looking in the rooms as I went by. I stopped at the girls' bedroom and saw a girl, Katoya age 9, laying on her bed whimpering (crying isn't the term yet). I went in and sat down beside her. I figured she was crying because she was new and wasn't used to things yet. I asked her how she was doing (standard thing to do...I've learned as a nurse....helps break the ice). She didn't reply but busted into tears. I tried to console her...I sat with her and held her hand. I told her to "just breathe" (one of my favorite and most helpful terms to me). She started to slow her breathing and by now I could tell she was in pain. At this point, one of the workers at Hanbury came in and told me she had sickle cell anemia. I know this isn't the best disorder to have. I could tell that she was having a crisis and that she needed some medical attention. Being in the place/location that she and I were in, I knew this wasn't a feasible thing to think. She was having major pains in her right upper ABD and the 'meds' that they had given here had not kicked in yet. I sat by her and told her I was going to stay with her. Yes, I had prior obligations. Not-Josh wanted to see me, I had dishes to wash, and lunch to help with. But, I broke them. I was sitting by a child who was in some major pain and a 'not-so-hot' situation. I was not leaving. I sat beside her, held her hand, rubbed her back, and helped her breathe. But most of all. I was there. I sat with her...and as I sat with her and helped her, she. helped her she helped me more than she will ever even begin to know:
I have now decided it's seminary at Emory U for me. I need to help people. To be there for them when they need someone the most. I want to be a rock. I want to tell people about God and share my passion and love for being a Christian and what it means to me in the process. ...And it's not that I 'want' this as much as I 'need' this. The kids at Hanbury Home do not have one thing that I tend to forget....a mother, a father, or a support system. No one could be by her side when she needed them the most. Yes, there are workers at Hanbury. But it's not the same. Yes, they care for the kids...but they can't take the time to be a mom to each and every child. It's just not possible. That is why an orphanage is that. As I sat there I thought about how much I have and how much I have to offer to those who do not. I sat with her and thought about all the times I've been sick or post-op and my mom and dad have been there. I thought about how much I would hate to be in her shoes. I cried as she cried. I told her I would be there for her and I was not going back on that one. As a nurse, I know that a caring, loving heart is involved. I know that, as a nurse, you have to be the one that is there and offering comfort and support when no one else will. I also know that as a child of God the same thing is expected. I love others because my Father loves me. I will be there for those who can go no further because I know that it is my God who is giving me and the other person strength to be there. As I sat there it all made sense. I will admit, I have been pretty much not stoked about Jamaica this year. For some reason I just didn't feel that I was supposed to be here. I knew that God had something major planned for me so I went. But with lots of apprehension. Last night I was so tired, ill, sick, and just plum done. I got up this morning feeling somewhat better....but still not knowing my place here. I went to Hanbury and was just 'complete' to be at home. ...Now I had to find out why. I went to Babyland and found my purpose. In life, for this trip, and to live by. I sat there, consoling her to the best I could, and I don't care what else happens on this trip. It is complete. I was there for someone. It was a very powerful thing. Knowing that God was using me to do His will was. just. powerful. God is humorous. He uses you when you think that you are the most useless. The hallway ended at the girls' bedroom. Yes, it went on. But not for me. For me I had a purpose and will to fulfill. I did that. No fail. Checkmark. Done.
I did vespers tonight. It was supposed to be me and Matt Snead. But....the story we were planning on doing just didn't fit and I was unsure on how to elaborate on it. I, also, got the feeling Matt wasn't that excited about doing vespers. And, since I'm the one who put him I decided to get him out of it. Vespers was, for me, a review of the day. Went well, I guess.
Tomorrow is a new day. I no longer want what I had wanted. I no longer need what I needed. I'm good. On edge and snappy. Thanks to lack of sleep and my short span of patience. But I'm good.
My fellow bloggers are looking at and posting pictures of the day.I told TM last night that I'd be bringin' home memories from Jamaica instead of 'stuff''. Yeah, I was right.
So yes, Emory is a 'go'. Nursing school is a no. Medically helping is great....but it's not what I want to do. It's not doing all I can for someone, to me. I am taking my life in more faith-based direction than the scientific one I cannot stand. Now, I just have to become comfortable telling people what I am doing with my life. Nursey nurse Chelsea isn't. No matter what happens....God will get me through it. Because if everything is not ok, it is not the end.